i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
