I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm both gender and math confused
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
