LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
