a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
