I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
