careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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