Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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