Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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