Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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