Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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