And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
