Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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