you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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