I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
