Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
