a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize