There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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