Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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