Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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