I CAN MOONWALK!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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