Barsexuality is the new black.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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