youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
