Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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