There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
