How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize