Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
