ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
