Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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