Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
