I can tuck mytits in my pants
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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