Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
