Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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