Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
