I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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