i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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