I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
