Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
