It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
