I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
