Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can I color on your dick again?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
