When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize