i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
