Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
