Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His nipple licking is glorious
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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