If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
