The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
