My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
