6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
