Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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