DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
