Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
