sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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