Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
