K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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