I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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