I wanna bring you to show and tell
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
