Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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