the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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