He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
