i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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