she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I touched a dick in church today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
