could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
