Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I smell stomach acid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
