mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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