I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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