my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
