Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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