Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
