like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize