Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
