Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize